New Dumb Way To Die - Snowfeet Story If It Was Written By Pro Online Haters

Introducing Snowfeet - the stupidest sport ever created! It’s basically the gayest winter sport since skiing. Remember those short skis called bigfoot that were all the rage in the ’90s but that no one uses anymore? Well, two flatlanders from Europe have come up with an idea of making them even shorter. What a stupid idea!

The founders Zbynek and Michael just created something that can't absorb any bumps or carry you on powder... aka useless in 80% of conditions. Such an easy way to break an ankle. It is basically one of the stupidest things ever seen. I wanna see the two geniuses make a full stop from the full speed with those. 

What is more, it doesn’t even look cool riding these! Well, scooter kids might find these cool. Showing up with Snowfeet in a ski resort is basically an equivalent of showing up with heelys at the skatepark. That’s how they got their nickname: Mountain Heelys! Remember the shoes that roll? The ones that video gamers used as a way to meet girls? It went so bad and we haven’t seen those dudes since.

It goes without saying Snowfeet also comes with a “no sex ever” guarantee. And as one PRO commentator wrote: "The hardest thing about using them is telling your parents you’re gay."

The guys who invented them went full retard when they decided to call them Snowfeet. Yep, you heard that right. “Hey what are you doing this weekend?” “Oh you know just snowfeeting,” How lame, even sad I would say.

They keep trying to reinvent the wheel on these stupid things. These short skis can never make it into a serious winter sport. They never did. 

And of course, they don’t have a woman size, which only makes sense once you realize that both founders are actually white heterosexual males (just saying).

Some of the infamous PRO internet commentators went even so far as to question who gets the profit from selling Snowfeet: “Are these gender-neutral and does any portion of the cost go towards supporting kneeling NFL players?”

Another commentator in the light of the latest events suggested a conspiracy theory behind creating these skis: “Us white people were like, “how can we make heelies, the popular skate shoe trend, and make it even more White people?”

And what do the cool kids, aka snowboarders, whose opinions we all value so much, have to say to all Snowfeeters out there? - “Can u not?”

All in all, we must admire the courage of the founders who basically went on a suicide mission but don’t seem to give up despite the devastating backlash. We all wish they gave up and spare themselves of the embarrassment, but before they do, we wish them a favorable Google and Facebook algorithms, because based on the reactions their videos are getting from the PRO internet commentators, they might soon get de-platformed. 

I hope my dear readers understand this was just a joke, I'm kidding!

Or am I?